Happy end of 2022 my lovelies. I have barely written at all in 2022 and I could not be happier to put this year behind me. If I had to chose a hardest year of my life 2022 just might take the cake.
Finally having a paying full time job again has been great, exhausting as hell but great. Even with it being great to be working and feeling productive and knowing that I'm providing for my family, it's been hard. I completely 180'd on my career, I've spent the past year and change learning an entirely new profession. Attempting to master it because if I'm going to do it I'm going to give it my all. Commuting a couple hours a day, which isn't the worst thing in the world, but does take up more time and energy.
I've gone through a mental overhaul. Starting therapy about a year and a half ago is the best decision I have ever made, however this past year has been massive, massive amounts of mental work. I'm bipolar, I've been bipolar since I was about 18 but only got a diagnosis this summer so I've been grappling with that and adjusting to new medications.
A family member I love very dearly had a major health crisis for the majority of this year. I am happy to say they are okay, and we are all incredibly grateful for that result. But the load of stress, the emotional tsunami, has been exhausting.
In short, 2022...I did not like you, I am optimistic and hopeful that maybe this next year will not drain me so completely.
On the bright side (I'm a chronically depressed person, I'm always looking for some bright side to offset it). I have finished 159 books this year. I have gone through an incredible journey in my reading. Coping mechanism anyone? My one regret in this is that due to the stress, exhaustion and life in general I didn't keep up with my blog or write all my reviews about every book I read. Something I really enjoy doing even though my imposter syndrome makes me fell incredibly awkward; like who cares what I think?
As this year draws to a close it's time to set reading "goals" for the next year. Last year at this time, I said I wasn't going to have a "goal" I was going to read what I read, and focus on enjoying it rather than focusing on the number. I first started doing goals in 2018; when I decided I was spending too much time watching tv (no hate if that's your thing); and I wanted to read more books instead. That first goal gave me the push I needed to fall back into the bookworm tendencies I've had since childhood. However, as I noticed this year, I get way too competitive with myself and it can turn a bit toxic. Around June I realized I was close to 100 books completed which was my goal for last year. I then decided I needed to hit 120, then 150; now I'm teetering on the edge of 160 and holding myself back from attempting to hit it before midnight tonight.
So for next year? What is my "goal". Part of me wants to set it at 200 and see how far I can get, but that honestly seems like a lot of pressure; especially since I'm trying to branch out and find a video game I enjoy so I can relate more to my husband and son. I'm trying to find more time for friendships, go on more adventures with my family. Have hobbies and life outside of working obsessively and reading. For the first time in my life, my mental health is under control. My anxiety, depression and mood swings are mostly managed, I have strategies and coping mechanisms in place; and have even started developing a better sense of forgiveness and grace with myself when a bad day hits. It feels like the possibilities are endless. In that though I am also incredibly wary about putting to much unnecessary stress on myself. Also my "no goal" year led to me reading an insane amount of books.
So here's my goal for this year. I want to read incredible books. I want to pick a few books each month that I absolutely want to read that month to work through the stacks of unread books in my house. I make no promises on not buying new books or reading KU books. I want to DNF any books that don't bring me joy or I'm not feeling in the moment only picking them back up if/when I want to. I want to share reviews and joy over all the books I enjoy. I want to read 12 new classics, I have a list of a few started, ones in my house, ones I looked up; sidebar if you have any recommendations, especially BIPOC classics lay them on me because I want to read them.....I will also be setting my goodreads to 200 because I'm toxic.
Happy New Year!
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