Everyone has dreams of what their life is going to be like. Whether we admit it or not, we have it planned out in our heads. My life is going to be like this, it’s going to be like that. Even now as I try to embrace life exactly the way it is, I can’t help but stand there doing dishes, daydreaming about a little 3 bedroom house with a garden, hardwood floors, a second kid, a dog that my cat doesn’t hate…
I feel like the issue of our age is the “kid issue”. Everyone assumes everyone wants to get married and have kids. Or that there’s something wrong with them if they don’t. No one stops to consider that not everyone can have children, that so many women have such a hard time conceiving. That so many women have such severe physical issues with that part of their anatomy that they’re willing to give up the option because they cannot live with the physical issues. What about those women? Why are we making them self conscious and ashamed simply because we must know when they are planning to have a child.
I remember not long after my son was born people were already asking me when I was going to have another...I was 22, a year out of college and into my career. Struggling with severe postpartum and physical health issues that stemmed from a difficult pregnancy and delivery. And everyone’s question was, when are you having another. Do I want another child? Absolutely, I want my son to have a sibling. Has my own self imposed guideline on when I should have another already passed? Absofreakinglutly, because life happens.
Life is beautiful and no matter what expectations or timelines we put on it, we cannot control life. We cannot control the full outcome or even fully the timeframe things happen in. Some people cannot have kids, some people do not want kids...yes you heard me right, some people don’t want kids, some people change their mind and some people don’t.
In this novel Kristine has made probably the most painful hard choice of her life. It’s not about whether or not a woman wants kids, it’s about the option being taken from them. Even a woman who doesn’t want children is going to struggle with this decision because it is fully closing the door on something, it’s admitting that you have no control. To make matters worse Kristine is a woman who wants kids. The amount of agony admitting that choice had to be out of the question for her own physical health is something I can’t even imagine. Having to justify that decision to people when it was her health at stake.
I loved that Josh chose her in spite of his deep rooted desire to have a huge family. Though for me I can’t help but wonder if that was the right decision for him. I think what Kristine tried to do, to have him go on his way and be with someone who’s goals aligned more with his was noble. Do I think she should have been with Tyler who it’s obvious she was just settling for? Absolutely not. However my rational brain has trouble wrapping around the implied fact that he isn’t resentful at all. I feel like in 10 years they are going to have a huge fight and he’s going to throw it in her face….that’s just me, even though they’re fictional characters I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen.
“The Friend Zone” by Abby Jimenez
https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Friend_Zone/2n52DwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=0
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